I feel like I'm the only one

© Nikki Vargas - via https://theculturetrip.com

I am writing this at work (sorry work), feeling depressed at my desk. It's 13:44 and we've just had a team lunch. I ate a veggie sandwich and the rest of my team ate: a salami sandwich, a jerk chicken salad, a chicken and goats cheese salad, and a shepherd's pie. It's the 7th November 2019.

Let's recap what's happened in London/the World up until this point:

• Greta Thunberg (and hundreds of other climate change activists) has awakened people to the sacrifice they need to make

• Over 11,000 scientists have declared a climate emergency: https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2019/nov/05/climate-crisis-11000-scientists-warn-of-untold-suffering

• Planet Earth is now on season 3

• Extinction Rebellion have drawn everyone's attention to the crisis, not once but twice, and are planning another one in the run up to Christmas 2019

• A million other examples could be given

I don't know about you, but I woke up. To paraphrase Kanye West's airpool karaoke (as much as I dislike that they used a plane simply for a karaoke video with no thought into the cost of the environment impact - that rant is for another time) - when you're asleep, you're asleep, when you're awake, you know you're awake. A redundant quote but I feel it's applicable all the same; I was asleep before being awakened to the environmental crisis.

I can blame this on being a child but now I am in my mid 20s, I've grown as much as I'll ever grow, I have full access to books, the internet and multiple other sources of information. So really there is no excuse to not know that eating meat and fish directly contributes to climate change.

There's probably one other thing I should mention - it's the Christmas party next week. Everyone was discussing what they're ordering from Asos. I had 6 phones shoved into my lap showing me dresses, trousers, kimono tops, bags, accessories.

I don't want to be a hypocrite - I used to eat meat, I have shopped at Asos in my life.

But I changed.

I keep telling myself that people realise their choices directly impact the environment at different times in their lives. There were certainly people before I went plant-based who must have looked at me with anger and a feeling of loss at the logic of humanity. I know I'm being a hypocrite.

I just can't shake these feelings of anger and fright that the world will end in one decade and there are people out there doing nothing about it. I am not sure what the answer is but I felt the need to air my feelings.

All I can do is keep trying to do my bit and hope that the world doesn't change irreversibly in 10 years and hope that 'cute' orangutan in Planet Earth that everyone thought was sweet doesn't die because they all wanted some new shampoo that kills their habitats.

I feel better having vocalised my feelings into the internet abyss but I also still feel sad that in November 2019 I am surrounded by people eating meat, buying fast fashion and oh did I mention that our entire Portugal office is being flown over for wait for it...one day(!) for the Christmas party, just one day. It shouldn't be like this.